i just noticed. the past posts were very 'unhappy'. i should have a more cheerful take on things, don't you think? *happy*happy*
when spirits are high, i'll write happy. but for now, Happy Ramadhan everyone.
(i have no Ramadhan resolutions, except to lose weight.)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
The Gawking Gap
it's time to let go. so let's go. *sigh*
this won't be easy. but i've to learn and gain courage, even if it means digging into the deepest pits of my gut and barfing it all out. the keyword here: LET GO
let time do the turning. let it do what it does best: make you forget. because it's the best possible way, the best possible move to make. a tough decision, but one that i can't whine about and i've to stop being a baby and just take it face-on.
to you, i'm doing this for myself. because you never do anything for me. so i've to take the lead and start doing this for the person that matters most: ME. thank you for everything that you've done, and for everything you've not done. it works both ways to show me what i am, and also what i'm not. i've realised that i can avoid being stupid. instead of being stupid, realising it but still being stupid. i'm not going to let you make me feel stupid. this time, let you be the one to feel like an idiot. because i've had enough of it. you'll not understand why i feel this way, why i'm suddenly bitter and resentful. but if you do understand, then i won't have to deal with this and we could be what i wanted us to be. unfortunately, and apparently from all your actions that you've shown, we want different things. and these things which are different, they'll tear us further apart than we already are. i can't say i hate you because i don't. but sometimes i do. i don't know. you've made me a person that's confused and irrate. the things i do that i should not be doing, but for you. it's taken a lot for me to come to this decision, here and now. it's not on a whim. it's something i've been sleeping on for days. i just kept quiet about it. because i felt i still needed something to hold on to. but i can't keep doing this. i can't keep being weak and holding on to something that's not strong for me to be strong. it's over. i'm done with all this bullshit and bollocks. i'm letting go. goodbye.
we shall be friends. but just that. friends.
and friends don't do things that we used to do. no more of those.
HELLO BREATH OF FRESH AIR! i needed you. *breathe*
hello hot fudge. it's good to hear from you again. *smiles*
this won't be easy. but i've to learn and gain courage, even if it means digging into the deepest pits of my gut and barfing it all out. the keyword here: LET GO
let time do the turning. let it do what it does best: make you forget. because it's the best possible way, the best possible move to make. a tough decision, but one that i can't whine about and i've to stop being a baby and just take it face-on.
to you, i'm doing this for myself. because you never do anything for me. so i've to take the lead and start doing this for the person that matters most: ME. thank you for everything that you've done, and for everything you've not done. it works both ways to show me what i am, and also what i'm not. i've realised that i can avoid being stupid. instead of being stupid, realising it but still being stupid. i'm not going to let you make me feel stupid. this time, let you be the one to feel like an idiot. because i've had enough of it. you'll not understand why i feel this way, why i'm suddenly bitter and resentful. but if you do understand, then i won't have to deal with this and we could be what i wanted us to be. unfortunately, and apparently from all your actions that you've shown, we want different things. and these things which are different, they'll tear us further apart than we already are. i can't say i hate you because i don't. but sometimes i do. i don't know. you've made me a person that's confused and irrate. the things i do that i should not be doing, but for you. it's taken a lot for me to come to this decision, here and now. it's not on a whim. it's something i've been sleeping on for days. i just kept quiet about it. because i felt i still needed something to hold on to. but i can't keep doing this. i can't keep being weak and holding on to something that's not strong for me to be strong. it's over. i'm done with all this bullshit and bollocks. i'm letting go. goodbye.
we shall be friends. but just that. friends.
and friends don't do things that we used to do. no more of those.
HELLO BREATH OF FRESH AIR! i needed you. *breathe*
hello hot fudge. it's good to hear from you again. *smiles*
Friday, September 08, 2006
A Clear View
looking through the glass, i wonder if what he sees is me. *squints*
but through the glass, some images get distorted. will it be?
looking through the glass, he sees me. just me.
underneath all the layers of pretense and cover-ups.
he's got that night-vision thing, he sees through the dark and cloudy.
he reads me like a book. better still, like a user's manual.
but like every user, sometimes you just keep pressing the wrong buttons even when you know it's not going to work.
he's the sweetest thing ever.
so understanding, yet never unreasonably obliging.
always giving, yet demands attention at the same time.
my Prozac. my anti-depressant.
bila jalan ini temui persimpangan
arah mana akan kau tujui?
kalau di satu ujung ada suatu yang mendesak
yang menolak-narik kau
yang memaksa-maksa kau
namun
kalau di satu ujung lagi ada cita-cita kau
yang kau inginkan
yang hati kau impikan
apa kah akan jadi satu taruhan?
maka kau harus tau
hati aku takkan berpaling
ketika saat kau mengambil langkah
kiri, kanan.
arah mana yang kau tuju itu
aku akan berada di ujung satu penjuru
melihat kau
kira arah yang kau ambil itu jadi penentu
antara kepentingan kau dan harapan aku
antara kehendak kau dan kemahuan aku
terpulang.
persimpangan itu adalah pilihan
kalau jalan itu jalan yang kau mahu
setapak yang kau ambil
adalah setiap nafas dan degupan jantung
hingga akhirnya di ujung jalan itu
kau bertemu aku.
but through the glass, some images get distorted. will it be?
looking through the glass, he sees me. just me.
underneath all the layers of pretense and cover-ups.
he's got that night-vision thing, he sees through the dark and cloudy.
he reads me like a book. better still, like a user's manual.
but like every user, sometimes you just keep pressing the wrong buttons even when you know it's not going to work.
he's the sweetest thing ever.
so understanding, yet never unreasonably obliging.
always giving, yet demands attention at the same time.
my Prozac. my anti-depressant.
bila jalan ini temui persimpangan
arah mana akan kau tujui?
kalau di satu ujung ada suatu yang mendesak
yang menolak-narik kau
yang memaksa-maksa kau
namun
kalau di satu ujung lagi ada cita-cita kau
yang kau inginkan
yang hati kau impikan
apa kah akan jadi satu taruhan?
maka kau harus tau
hati aku takkan berpaling
ketika saat kau mengambil langkah
kiri, kanan.
arah mana yang kau tuju itu
aku akan berada di ujung satu penjuru
melihat kau
kira arah yang kau ambil itu jadi penentu
antara kepentingan kau dan harapan aku
antara kehendak kau dan kemahuan aku
terpulang.
persimpangan itu adalah pilihan
kalau jalan itu jalan yang kau mahu
setapak yang kau ambil
adalah setiap nafas dan degupan jantung
hingga akhirnya di ujung jalan itu
kau bertemu aku.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Hati. oleh Aku.
kalaupun aku bisa memilih
aku takkan merubah
kalau merubah itu maksudnya memaksa
kalaupun aku bisa
aku tak mahu
kalau itu menyakitkan
sebenarnya apa
yang diucap itu kalau hanya kata
yang dirasa itu kalau hanya perasaan
apa itu niat
kalau kita hendak mencuba
namun akhirnya dengan derita
hati aku tak bisa kuat
hati aku tak bisa bertopeng
kalau lelah dan penat aku itu hati yang merasa
kalau hati tak bisa diubah
kalau hati itu sudah hancur
akan kah keping keping hati itu kau cantum kembali
ternyata kalau hati aku itu hanya cebisan
dibandingkan kuatnya hati kau
yang kuat itu telah robek
dan cebis hati aku masih berpaut teguh
kalau yang hati kuat kau bisa aku dapat.
aku takkan merubah
kalau merubah itu maksudnya memaksa
kalaupun aku bisa
aku tak mahu
kalau itu menyakitkan
sebenarnya apa
yang diucap itu kalau hanya kata
yang dirasa itu kalau hanya perasaan
apa itu niat
kalau kita hendak mencuba
namun akhirnya dengan derita
hati aku tak bisa kuat
hati aku tak bisa bertopeng
kalau lelah dan penat aku itu hati yang merasa
kalau hati tak bisa diubah
kalau hati itu sudah hancur
akan kah keping keping hati itu kau cantum kembali
ternyata kalau hati aku itu hanya cebisan
dibandingkan kuatnya hati kau
yang kuat itu telah robek
dan cebis hati aku masih berpaut teguh
kalau yang hati kuat kau bisa aku dapat.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
If. Just If.
"hey boy what's your name again
coz i been watchin you while you playin your game
i think i've met you before, it must be that sexy grin
why don't you come on over here and let a conversation begin..."
from the top of my head. i had those lines floating around, i just had to grab em and put em down. anyway, ten or so days from my last post and what has been buzzin..? apparently, nothing much. but i'm feeling like a monologue. or a "one-person conversation". i wanna talk ah. but i don't know who i should talk to. let's see if i can decide this right here.
***
shit. i've been listening to sad soppy r&b ballads. like it's not a bad thing okay, but i'm actually listening to every friggin syllable of it! hello? am i just bored or am i just plain sad. ick. and i've been playing it on repeat. i'm definitely cracked.
***
i can't think ah. things have been pretty crazy lately. like suddenly there're new people taking place in my life. and i've to get used to it. i've to get used to all these new people and i've to learn to accept the fact that all these people exist although not directly involved in my life but somehow intertwined and interconnected with all the other people in my life. sometimes i don't like it. but i don't really have much of a choice. grrr~
so i'm selfish. and i hate sharing with other people when it's really unnecessary to. why can't i be selfish without people telling me i'm being unreasonable? why? why is it so wrong for me to want what i want, and i want it all to myself, for myself. and everybody else can go look for second best. fuck off! like, seriously. F U C K bloody O F F !!
***
i want you. yes, i want YOU! and i hate knowing the fact that you may have so many other people who have you as part of their lives. yes, i am bloody effing selfish and it's going to kill me. what i'd like to do now is to screw those airhead Barbie dolls' heads off their plastic shoulders and throw them into a river! i am mad! i'm mad! i'm MAD!!!! i'm mad with myself for being so stupid! ugh, GOD! can i be any more disgusted with me than i already am.
***
i'm just mad because i don't have you and not having you kills me. the fact that you are not exclusively mine makes me bitter and angry. the fact that i don't know how to make you mine shows some part of weakness in me and i hate knowing that i'm weak. the fact that you might be in love with someone that isn't me scares me the most. i swear i miss you.
coz i been watchin you while you playin your game
i think i've met you before, it must be that sexy grin
why don't you come on over here and let a conversation begin..."
from the top of my head. i had those lines floating around, i just had to grab em and put em down. anyway, ten or so days from my last post and what has been buzzin..? apparently, nothing much. but i'm feeling like a monologue. or a "one-person conversation". i wanna talk ah. but i don't know who i should talk to. let's see if i can decide this right here.
***
shit. i've been listening to sad soppy r&b ballads. like it's not a bad thing okay, but i'm actually listening to every friggin syllable of it! hello? am i just bored or am i just plain sad. ick. and i've been playing it on repeat. i'm definitely cracked.
***
i can't think ah. things have been pretty crazy lately. like suddenly there're new people taking place in my life. and i've to get used to it. i've to get used to all these new people and i've to learn to accept the fact that all these people exist although not directly involved in my life but somehow intertwined and interconnected with all the other people in my life. sometimes i don't like it. but i don't really have much of a choice. grrr~
so i'm selfish. and i hate sharing with other people when it's really unnecessary to. why can't i be selfish without people telling me i'm being unreasonable? why? why is it so wrong for me to want what i want, and i want it all to myself, for myself. and everybody else can go look for second best. fuck off! like, seriously. F U C K bloody O F F !!
***
i want you. yes, i want YOU! and i hate knowing the fact that you may have so many other people who have you as part of their lives. yes, i am bloody effing selfish and it's going to kill me. what i'd like to do now is to screw those airhead Barbie dolls' heads off their plastic shoulders and throw them into a river! i am mad! i'm mad! i'm MAD!!!! i'm mad with myself for being so stupid! ugh, GOD! can i be any more disgusted with me than i already am.
***
i'm just mad because i don't have you and not having you kills me. the fact that you are not exclusively mine makes me bitter and angry. the fact that i don't know how to make you mine shows some part of weakness in me and i hate knowing that i'm weak. the fact that you might be in love with someone that isn't me scares me the most. i swear i miss you.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Q&A thing.
[ NOW ]
Current mood: lazy.
Current music: FO'3
Current taste: peanut butter and jam.
Current hair: red. but my roots are growing out already. blah.
Current clothes: i'm still in my pajamas. =D
Current annoyance: excessive sebum and zits.
Current smell: my pillow. well, it smells of me.
Current thing I should be doing: cleaning up my room. and laundry.
Current windows open: what, my room windows? none are open. the airconditioning is on.
Current desktop picture: russel with his ear and scalp bleeding.
Current favorite band: ashraf's Sakti!!
Current book: none. havent been reading in a long while.
Current cd in stereo: stereo's defunct.
Current crush: ouh. uhh. well....it constantly changes. but i've probably got like 7 of 'em. so...yeah.
Current favorite celeb: i don't idolise celebrities. hm.
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: occasionally. who would pass up free fags.
Do drugs?: ah. no. *grins
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: dreams? pfft. i wish my ex boyfriend would come back. lol.
Remember your first love?: yes. and i also know his current gf.
Still love him/her?: oh with all the other ex-boyfriends and the 7 crushes...he's pretty much forgotten.
Read the newspaper?: yes, of course. i NEED to know about Gusmao's resignation.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes. the world is full of beautiful, albeit sexually unconventional, people.
Believe in miracles?: yes. there's Noah, Moses, Jesus, Mohamed..
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: possible. but never done. i mean, who really puts it all that effort?
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: considerably tolerant, there's a limit as to one's level of patience.
Consider love a mistake?: oh craps. get me all poetic and wax lyrical about love being pure and true. bullshit.
Like the taste of alcohol?: well u can't say it's the sweetest of all potions. but definitely potent.
Have a favorite candy?: ouh yes. those that come in different colours, shapes and sizes.
Believe in astrology?: i dont believe in it entirely, but it's amusing how they actually sometimes really do foresee things. but u hafta read it at the end of the day.
Believe in magic?: YES! Harry Potter!
Believe in god?: i believe in his presence.
Have any pets: quite a few. they dont actually have to be furry animals, do they? i mean, cute would be sufficient?
Go to or plan to go to college: suffocating, finishing my third year.
Have any piercings?: yes. hence, my obsession for dangly things i can hook on my ears.
Have any tattoos?: no. not....yet? =D
Hate yourself: i dont. i'm absolutely self-appreciative, self-indulgent, self-possessed, self-occupied...
Have an obsession?: shoes. i recently nicked a pair of my aunt's Sergio Rossi's.
Have a secret crush?: didn't i mention 7 earlier? oh. you mean 'secret' crush. maybe another 7.
Have a best friend?: best? as in the ultimate one right at the top of my list? you hafta be kidding me. people who only have ONE 'best' friend must be seclusive.
Wish on stars?: why do i wish on fiery balls of gas? they twinkle? roightttt...
[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: oof. ouch that hurts!
Do you believe in love at first sight?: life aint fairy tales honey. i believe in lust at first sight.
Do you believe in "the one?": "the one" what? "the one" i would shag? "the one" i would marry? "the one" i would lick his balls?? what???!!
Describe your ideal significant other: well he gotta be significant, for starters. then he gotta be fulfilling for a main course. and sinfully delightful for dessert.
[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: well there's strip poker...and strip blackjack. and all other stripping drinking games.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: and u mean that by what? or whom?
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": i think so. i can't remember. i prolly have, but maybe...wait a minute. I HAVE!!
Are you a tease?: no. i'm clown. haha. i'm serious person, really.
Shy to make the first move?: normally yes. but under certain circumstances, my inhibitions seem to take a back seat. it enjoys the ride too!
[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: a pair of shoes, and a bag. oh. a 'thank you' card.
Ate & Drank: soda & toast. croissants. and a piece of popiah.
Read: yesterday's paper.
Watched on TV: i only glanced at the TV, it was on Oprah.
[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: beeeeeerrr. cider taste weird.
drinks or shots: ooo do i hafta choose?
cats or dogs: cats. dogs. eww.
single or taken: single. thank you for asking.
pen or pencil: pen for signatures. pencils for sticking it up annoying people's butts.
gloves or mittens: gloves. lacy ones. hahahha.
food or candy: food is candy. candy is good.
cassette or cd: live shows. like, right in your face, sweaty singing hotties.
coke or pepsi: pepsi is for losers.
[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: i dont really have those kind of urges. i'd kill a cicak though.
get really wasted with: i dont want to. it's not the best of things to do with anyone, for that matter.
look like: ME! well. the prettier me. she's hot. you didn't know?
avoid: annoying people in awkward situations.
[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: my mom and daddy.
talked to on the phone: bobby. we didnt really talk. it was more like a 'good night' phonecall.
hugged: my gramma.
messaged: auin. come at eight for the BBQ!
kissed: oh. um. hmm. heh.
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?: u mean, have i ever drank perfumes right?
Done drugs?: nah. stayed clean of those.
Broken the law?: federal law? i dont think so.
Run away from home?: noooooooooo.
Broken a bone?: fractured my wrist. yea.
Played Truth Or Dare?: when i was 12. yes.
Kissed someone you didn't know?: yes. tee-hee.
Been in a fight?: when i was 15. bitch fight.
Come close to dying?: i wouldnt be one to judge.
[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: messy. really. like really messy.
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: i dont eat breakfast.
Your favorite restaurant?: Khulafa Bistro. hahha. okay okay. Italiannies. and TGI Friday's.
What's on your bedside table?: hm. couple of trophies. a candle stand. my blonde bible. a food container. some files. and a whole lot of junk.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: cream crackers with condensed milk.
What is your biggest fear?: death. and my mom. hahah!
Describe your bed: exactly how my room is like. messy. with piles of clothes on it. three pillows, and my covers all bundled up.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous. like a pop-quiz.
Do you know how to play poker?: poker, chowtaiti. wtv. yeah.
What do you carry with you at all times?: my ass. and brains.
How do you drive?: cautiously at roundabouts. wreckless everywhere else.
What do you miss most about being little?: those little frilly dresses and lacy socks.
Are you happy with your given name?: i used to hate it. but i guess it's alright now.
What color is your bedroom?: fern green. eww.
Have you ever been in a play?: what kinda play? hehehe. err. yes, stage plays. when i was 15 and in high school.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you: up to a point, they do.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: no. i'm not. okay well. i am. a little bit.
>taken off myspace. goes to show how bored i am. Pash.
Current mood: lazy.
Current music: FO'3
Current taste: peanut butter and jam.
Current hair: red. but my roots are growing out already. blah.
Current clothes: i'm still in my pajamas. =D
Current annoyance: excessive sebum and zits.
Current smell: my pillow. well, it smells of me.
Current thing I should be doing: cleaning up my room. and laundry.
Current windows open: what, my room windows? none are open. the airconditioning is on.
Current desktop picture: russel with his ear and scalp bleeding.
Current favorite band: ashraf's Sakti!!
Current book: none. havent been reading in a long while.
Current cd in stereo: stereo's defunct.
Current crush: ouh. uhh. well....it constantly changes. but i've probably got like 7 of 'em. so...yeah.
Current favorite celeb: i don't idolise celebrities. hm.
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: occasionally. who would pass up free fags.
Do drugs?: ah. no. *grins
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: dreams? pfft. i wish my ex boyfriend would come back. lol.
Remember your first love?: yes. and i also know his current gf.
Still love him/her?: oh with all the other ex-boyfriends and the 7 crushes...he's pretty much forgotten.
Read the newspaper?: yes, of course. i NEED to know about Gusmao's resignation.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes. the world is full of beautiful, albeit sexually unconventional, people.
Believe in miracles?: yes. there's Noah, Moses, Jesus, Mohamed..
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: possible. but never done. i mean, who really puts it all that effort?
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: considerably tolerant, there's a limit as to one's level of patience.
Consider love a mistake?: oh craps. get me all poetic and wax lyrical about love being pure and true. bullshit.
Like the taste of alcohol?: well u can't say it's the sweetest of all potions. but definitely potent.
Have a favorite candy?: ouh yes. those that come in different colours, shapes and sizes.
Believe in astrology?: i dont believe in it entirely, but it's amusing how they actually sometimes really do foresee things. but u hafta read it at the end of the day.
Believe in magic?: YES! Harry Potter!
Believe in god?: i believe in his presence.
Have any pets: quite a few. they dont actually have to be furry animals, do they? i mean, cute would be sufficient?
Go to or plan to go to college: suffocating, finishing my third year.
Have any piercings?: yes. hence, my obsession for dangly things i can hook on my ears.
Have any tattoos?: no. not....yet? =D
Hate yourself: i dont. i'm absolutely self-appreciative, self-indulgent, self-possessed, self-occupied...
Have an obsession?: shoes. i recently nicked a pair of my aunt's Sergio Rossi's.
Have a secret crush?: didn't i mention 7 earlier? oh. you mean 'secret' crush. maybe another 7.
Have a best friend?: best? as in the ultimate one right at the top of my list? you hafta be kidding me. people who only have ONE 'best' friend must be seclusive.
Wish on stars?: why do i wish on fiery balls of gas? they twinkle? roightttt...
[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: oof. ouch that hurts!
Do you believe in love at first sight?: life aint fairy tales honey. i believe in lust at first sight.
Do you believe in "the one?": "the one" what? "the one" i would shag? "the one" i would marry? "the one" i would lick his balls?? what???!!
Describe your ideal significant other: well he gotta be significant, for starters. then he gotta be fulfilling for a main course. and sinfully delightful for dessert.
[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: well there's strip poker...and strip blackjack. and all other stripping drinking games.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: and u mean that by what? or whom?
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": i think so. i can't remember. i prolly have, but maybe...wait a minute. I HAVE!!
Are you a tease?: no. i'm clown. haha. i'm serious person, really.
Shy to make the first move?: normally yes. but under certain circumstances, my inhibitions seem to take a back seat. it enjoys the ride too!
[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: a pair of shoes, and a bag. oh. a 'thank you' card.
Ate & Drank: soda & toast. croissants. and a piece of popiah.
Read: yesterday's paper.
Watched on TV: i only glanced at the TV, it was on Oprah.
[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: beeeeeerrr. cider taste weird.
drinks or shots: ooo do i hafta choose?
cats or dogs: cats. dogs. eww.
single or taken: single. thank you for asking.
pen or pencil: pen for signatures. pencils for sticking it up annoying people's butts.
gloves or mittens: gloves. lacy ones. hahahha.
food or candy: food is candy. candy is good.
cassette or cd: live shows. like, right in your face, sweaty singing hotties.
coke or pepsi: pepsi is for losers.
[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: i dont really have those kind of urges. i'd kill a cicak though.
get really wasted with: i dont want to. it's not the best of things to do with anyone, for that matter.
look like: ME! well. the prettier me. she's hot. you didn't know?
avoid: annoying people in awkward situations.
[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: my mom and daddy.
talked to on the phone: bobby. we didnt really talk. it was more like a 'good night' phonecall.
hugged: my gramma.
messaged: auin. come at eight for the BBQ!
kissed: oh. um. hmm. heh.
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?: u mean, have i ever drank perfumes right?
Done drugs?: nah. stayed clean of those.
Broken the law?: federal law? i dont think so.
Run away from home?: noooooooooo.
Broken a bone?: fractured my wrist. yea.
Played Truth Or Dare?: when i was 12. yes.
Kissed someone you didn't know?: yes. tee-hee.
Been in a fight?: when i was 15. bitch fight.
Come close to dying?: i wouldnt be one to judge.
[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: messy. really. like really messy.
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: i dont eat breakfast.
Your favorite restaurant?: Khulafa Bistro. hahha. okay okay. Italiannies. and TGI Friday's.
What's on your bedside table?: hm. couple of trophies. a candle stand. my blonde bible. a food container. some files. and a whole lot of junk.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: cream crackers with condensed milk.
What is your biggest fear?: death. and my mom. hahah!
Describe your bed: exactly how my room is like. messy. with piles of clothes on it. three pillows, and my covers all bundled up.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous. like a pop-quiz.
Do you know how to play poker?: poker, chowtaiti. wtv. yeah.
What do you carry with you at all times?: my ass. and brains.
How do you drive?: cautiously at roundabouts. wreckless everywhere else.
What do you miss most about being little?: those little frilly dresses and lacy socks.
Are you happy with your given name?: i used to hate it. but i guess it's alright now.
What color is your bedroom?: fern green. eww.
Have you ever been in a play?: what kinda play? hehehe. err. yes, stage plays. when i was 15 and in high school.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you: up to a point, they do.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: no. i'm not. okay well. i am. a little bit.
>taken off myspace. goes to show how bored i am. Pash.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Quantum Physics.
hold on. my math fails me. i shall get this written. soon. a bit of a whirlwind going on up in the brain area.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Signatures.
we love the people who mean most to us.
we love the people dearest to us.
and how these people end up being so meaningful and dear to us is something no one, and nothing can ever describe in full detail.
nggak ada kata yang bisa ungkapin suatu perasaan atau bagaimana hubungan seseorang itu sama orang lain bisa jadi sesuatu yang amat bermakna lagi butuh dalam hidupnya.
it just happens. even overnight.
that night when 5 girls got together and somehow, it sealed a 'sisterhood' between us.
a night that started out as just us sleeping over for the weekend, because we had a tournament to go to, turned out to be the beginning of a bond that promises to tie us together for as long as we need each other.
we talked about endless things. yeah, normal girl talk and all that. but somewhere in between, we poured out secrets, consoled each other, laughed and poked fun at each other. not to mention grabbing bags of junk food and stuffing ourselves with all that fat. eew. hahaha.
you know, when you have people around you just at their most relaxed selves, in pyjamas, munching grubs, hair up in messy ponytails, sleepy swollen eyes, and ending up sleeping on top of each other...you know you got the best of it right there.
*carves "intan, khairun, mawar, alya." oh. and "pash."*
sisterhood, June 24 2006
we love the people dearest to us.
and how these people end up being so meaningful and dear to us is something no one, and nothing can ever describe in full detail.
nggak ada kata yang bisa ungkapin suatu perasaan atau bagaimana hubungan seseorang itu sama orang lain bisa jadi sesuatu yang amat bermakna lagi butuh dalam hidupnya.
it just happens. even overnight.
that night when 5 girls got together and somehow, it sealed a 'sisterhood' between us.
a night that started out as just us sleeping over for the weekend, because we had a tournament to go to, turned out to be the beginning of a bond that promises to tie us together for as long as we need each other.
we talked about endless things. yeah, normal girl talk and all that. but somewhere in between, we poured out secrets, consoled each other, laughed and poked fun at each other. not to mention grabbing bags of junk food and stuffing ourselves with all that fat. eew. hahaha.
you know, when you have people around you just at their most relaxed selves, in pyjamas, munching grubs, hair up in messy ponytails, sleepy swollen eyes, and ending up sleeping on top of each other...you know you got the best of it right there.
*carves "intan, khairun, mawar, alya." oh. and "pash."*
sisterhood, June 24 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Setitik Atau Sebelanga
i've lost touch with writing. forgive me but these hands do sin. lol. i told you i'm lost. or i've lost it. either way, same difference.
"to celebrate a birthday is to celebrate a year closer to the day you die."
it's eeriely logical. a pessimistic view, but it makes perfect sense. prove me otherwise and i'll start celebrating everyday of my life. because, everyday is a day closer to death.
"if you knew you were going to die at 55. would u be happy to celebrate your birthday every year, knowing that you're only a year less from your death?"
still eerie. still it makes sense.
"blowing out candles on your birthday cake is symbolic to blowing out your life."
imagine blowing out 20 candles. 20 down, 35 more to go?
i'm freaking you out aren't i? i'm freaking myself out.
although some may say what a negative view to have on adding on a year to your age, but it's not entirely ridiculous to put it in that light. to see it a different way from how people normally see it. true, you may say that a year older is a year wiser. but, does being a year older push your destiny further?
it's simple logic. you take a step forward, you get closer to your destination. birthdays are like a step forward. death is the final destination for every life form.
you wanna do the math? i suggest not.
if you're fine, happy and dandy...then enjoy life.
if you're me, chances are you're gonna think of things like this.
>Pash
"to celebrate a birthday is to celebrate a year closer to the day you die."
it's eeriely logical. a pessimistic view, but it makes perfect sense. prove me otherwise and i'll start celebrating everyday of my life. because, everyday is a day closer to death.
"if you knew you were going to die at 55. would u be happy to celebrate your birthday every year, knowing that you're only a year less from your death?"
still eerie. still it makes sense.
"blowing out candles on your birthday cake is symbolic to blowing out your life."
imagine blowing out 20 candles. 20 down, 35 more to go?
i'm freaking you out aren't i? i'm freaking myself out.
although some may say what a negative view to have on adding on a year to your age, but it's not entirely ridiculous to put it in that light. to see it a different way from how people normally see it. true, you may say that a year older is a year wiser. but, does being a year older push your destiny further?
it's simple logic. you take a step forward, you get closer to your destination. birthdays are like a step forward. death is the final destination for every life form.
you wanna do the math? i suggest not.
if you're fine, happy and dandy...then enjoy life.
if you're me, chances are you're gonna think of things like this.
>Pash
Friday, May 19, 2006
Keping-kepingan
i have a beautiful tan, but a scar on my left arm. the result of bumping into the hotel closet drawers because danial fell on me. gah.
i totally love my skin colour as it is now. sangat toffee caramel!
******
mungkinkah kalau perasan benci itu walaupun sudah bertahun lenyap akan wujud kembali?
bukan benci saja, tapi perasaan cemburu yang amat. tapi hanya kerana diingatkan kembali tentang memori lampau.
ah! aku paling tak suka kalau perasaan dikawal oleh perkara remeh begini.
bodoh kali ku rasakan. biarkan aja. masa aku akan tiba juga.
******
things might brighten up for me soon.
i've opportunities knocking at my door that i never would've thought of.
i've dreamt of it, maybe. tapi cuma angan-angan belaka. tak sangka pula hampir akan jadi kenyataan.
maka aku ingin katakan disini, tak salah andai bercita-cita, atau memimpikan impian kita.
who knows, it might come true...or you might stumble upon a chance to fufill that dream.
enak kali rasanya. nikmat dalam jiwa ini yang aku rasakan nggak bisa aku ngucapin dengan kata-kata.
******
i think at this point of my life, i'm slipping in and out of euphoria and a little bit of sadness. there's just too much on my mind. of this and that, and what nots. things that i shouldn't actually be worrying about, plus things that i ought to worry about. it's pretty stressful.
rollercoaster
i love the theme park rides, but not the metaphorical equivalent of violent jerks and sudden movements from ups to downs, that most would swear can cause a cardiac arrest 3 times over.
i just hate being in a position where i'm unsure of things. in a position where i'm at liberty of another's actions, where i'm vulnerable and fragile. and at this point, i think i am being put in that position. although unintentionally, it still does the damage.
can't i have a certain answer, yes. no. what?? but wait, this has been addressed in one of my previous posts. so you see, it's a problem that reoccurs. and one that i've yet to come up with a solution to.
funnily enough, it's a problem i go through quite often actually. *sigh
maybe it's just me. it must be me.
******
apa chances gwe untuk ke Australs dan Worlds tahun ini?
nyerah aja pada Tuhan deh. biar Dia yang tentukan.
usaha gwe kalau dihitung nggak pernah akan cukup.
jadi gwe menyerah aja.
>Pash.
i totally love my skin colour as it is now. sangat toffee caramel!
******
mungkinkah kalau perasan benci itu walaupun sudah bertahun lenyap akan wujud kembali?
bukan benci saja, tapi perasaan cemburu yang amat. tapi hanya kerana diingatkan kembali tentang memori lampau.
ah! aku paling tak suka kalau perasaan dikawal oleh perkara remeh begini.
bodoh kali ku rasakan. biarkan aja. masa aku akan tiba juga.
******
things might brighten up for me soon.
i've opportunities knocking at my door that i never would've thought of.
i've dreamt of it, maybe. tapi cuma angan-angan belaka. tak sangka pula hampir akan jadi kenyataan.
maka aku ingin katakan disini, tak salah andai bercita-cita, atau memimpikan impian kita.
who knows, it might come true...or you might stumble upon a chance to fufill that dream.
enak kali rasanya. nikmat dalam jiwa ini yang aku rasakan nggak bisa aku ngucapin dengan kata-kata.
******
i think at this point of my life, i'm slipping in and out of euphoria and a little bit of sadness. there's just too much on my mind. of this and that, and what nots. things that i shouldn't actually be worrying about, plus things that i ought to worry about. it's pretty stressful.
rollercoaster
i love the theme park rides, but not the metaphorical equivalent of violent jerks and sudden movements from ups to downs, that most would swear can cause a cardiac arrest 3 times over.
i just hate being in a position where i'm unsure of things. in a position where i'm at liberty of another's actions, where i'm vulnerable and fragile. and at this point, i think i am being put in that position. although unintentionally, it still does the damage.
can't i have a certain answer, yes. no. what?? but wait, this has been addressed in one of my previous posts. so you see, it's a problem that reoccurs. and one that i've yet to come up with a solution to.
funnily enough, it's a problem i go through quite often actually. *sigh
maybe it's just me. it must be me.
******
apa chances gwe untuk ke Australs dan Worlds tahun ini?
nyerah aja pada Tuhan deh. biar Dia yang tentukan.
usaha gwe kalau dihitung nggak pernah akan cukup.
jadi gwe menyerah aja.
>Pash.
Gwe Pengen...
dimana ya...cowok itu...?
atau siapa aja...
ku pikirkan kalau cowok itu nggak mungkin akan jadi milik gwe..
gwe pengen ke Bangkok.
atau siapa aja...
ku pikirkan kalau cowok itu nggak mungkin akan jadi milik gwe..
gwe pengen ke Bangkok.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Pantai, Laut, dan Pasir
i just got back from langkawi.
i should start writing, i know.
but really, there's just too much that happened within the span of ten days for me to gather and space out in words and punctuations.
give me a while. at least until i finish the stocks of chocolate and i can really get down to the nitty gritty of the trip.
have mercy on me. my system functions are still numb and running under substance influences.
i should start writing, i know.
but really, there's just too much that happened within the span of ten days for me to gather and space out in words and punctuations.
give me a while. at least until i finish the stocks of chocolate and i can really get down to the nitty gritty of the trip.
have mercy on me. my system functions are still numb and running under substance influences.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Matters Don't Matter
what is it with me this time.
i keep banging my head into things that don't really seem to be in the way.
but they are. to me, at least. *sigh
i went out shopping. again.
yes, like my father has no debts with credit card companies and all our bills are paid for by the godfairy. lol.
i should come with a warning label that says:
"danger. do not leave her in malls unattended."
i spent money i could've saved.
but i spent. it gave me satisfaction, so screw you.
it ain't your cheese i'm melting, it's my dad's.
that's the thing about me that's absolutely wreckless.
leave me at a mall, with no company, no plans, and i come out 6 hours later with bags of stuff. i'm terrible that way. i buy things that i don't absolutely need. i buy things on a whim. i buy things that i like. i buy things that i would otherwise not buy, if i had a friend for company.
so as always, the shopping breakdown:
NOSE kittie heels
YING YANG batik sarong
DEEPER HARDER purple slippers & matching bandanna
oh. i caught a movie too. Failure to Launch. definitely going down in the chick movie list. Sarah Jessica Parker and the dude Matthew. (i don't know how to spell his last name, but he's the hottie in "how to lose a guy in 10 days".)
then i bought an apple crumble cheesecake, and a chocolate banana cake at Secret Recipe. woah.
oh fwuck.
the flight's on Saturday and i haven't packed.
daymmit.
*****
my path seems to cross a lot of those belonging to others.
now what bugs me is, can't my life circles expand instead of seemingly becoming smaller?
can't i be involved with people who i'm not connected to in any way.
can't the people i know not end up already knowing each other.
blameitallonmyspace.
lol.
i'm facing another night of a head full of thoughts but i can't really make them literature. i'm becoming s l o w.
******
been missing him.
terribly.
don't ask. i'm tres depressed.
>Pash
i keep banging my head into things that don't really seem to be in the way.
but they are. to me, at least. *sigh
i went out shopping. again.
yes, like my father has no debts with credit card companies and all our bills are paid for by the godfairy. lol.
i should come with a warning label that says:
"danger. do not leave her in malls unattended."
i spent money i could've saved.
but i spent. it gave me satisfaction, so screw you.
it ain't your cheese i'm melting, it's my dad's.
that's the thing about me that's absolutely wreckless.
leave me at a mall, with no company, no plans, and i come out 6 hours later with bags of stuff. i'm terrible that way. i buy things that i don't absolutely need. i buy things on a whim. i buy things that i like. i buy things that i would otherwise not buy, if i had a friend for company.
so as always, the shopping breakdown:
NOSE kittie heels
YING YANG batik sarong
DEEPER HARDER purple slippers & matching bandanna
oh. i caught a movie too. Failure to Launch. definitely going down in the chick movie list. Sarah Jessica Parker and the dude Matthew. (i don't know how to spell his last name, but he's the hottie in "how to lose a guy in 10 days".)
then i bought an apple crumble cheesecake, and a chocolate banana cake at Secret Recipe. woah.
oh fwuck.
the flight's on Saturday and i haven't packed.
daymmit.
*****
my path seems to cross a lot of those belonging to others.
now what bugs me is, can't my life circles expand instead of seemingly becoming smaller?
can't i be involved with people who i'm not connected to in any way.
can't the people i know not end up already knowing each other.
blameitallonmyspace.
lol.
i'm facing another night of a head full of thoughts but i can't really make them literature. i'm becoming s l o w.
******
been missing him.
terribly.
don't ask. i'm tres depressed.
>Pash
Kalau Apa Terjadi?
kalau sinar mentari cerah
aku bisa jadi terang hingga membutakan
kalau angin bertiup kuat
aku bisa jadi taufan hingga meributkan
kalau malam itu hitam
aku bisa jadi gelap hingga menyesatkan
kalau bintang itu yang kau mahu capai
aku bisa jadi meteor, terlalu pantas untuk kau kejar
kalau laut itu luas dan tenang
aku bisa jadi ombak bergelora lalu melemaskan
maksud aku jelas
kalau apa yang kau lihat itu bukan apa yang pasti kau dapat
kalau apa yang kau mahu
itu bukan apa yang elok untuk mu
kalau apa yang kau bayangkan
mungkin akan jadi khayalan kau semata-mata
kalau cita-cita itu membina manusia
namun akhirnya andai dengan kekalahan pasti kecewa.
******
aku bisa jadi terang hingga membutakan
kalau angin bertiup kuat
aku bisa jadi taufan hingga meributkan
kalau malam itu hitam
aku bisa jadi gelap hingga menyesatkan
kalau bintang itu yang kau mahu capai
aku bisa jadi meteor, terlalu pantas untuk kau kejar
kalau laut itu luas dan tenang
aku bisa jadi ombak bergelora lalu melemaskan
maksud aku jelas
kalau apa yang kau lihat itu bukan apa yang pasti kau dapat
kalau apa yang kau mahu
itu bukan apa yang elok untuk mu
kalau apa yang kau bayangkan
mungkin akan jadi khayalan kau semata-mata
kalau cita-cita itu membina manusia
namun akhirnya andai dengan kekalahan pasti kecewa.
******
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Merah ka Blonde?
ku sangka akan jadi blonde
tapi jadi merah terus
gi mana ya?
harus di tukar nggak hair colour ku ini?
atau biar aja sampai warna nya ilang...
*******
i got my hair did. and it's done.
not the way i wanted it.
not the way i like it.
pfft~
it looks no different from the previous style, except that it's red.
shtupid hairstylist didn't know how to do layers.
i wanted LAYERS! and i got something not even close to layers.
and the colour.
IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!! IT'S NOT!!!
fook. fuccccccckkkkk!!!!
i'd have to keep this for a month at least.
or i'd just dye it all brown again.
i could go for another haircut and get the layers, but i dont want my hair short!
AAaaAAaaAAAaaAAaaRRrrGGgHHHH!!!
i'm mad now.
bodoh.
dah la lembab. potong rambut pun tak reti.
EMPAT JAM AKU DUDUK KAT SITU LA TAK JADI JADI JUGAK!!!!
kepala aku jadi bahan eksperimen kau???
kepala patung tu banyak, kalau tak reti potong... tak payah potong.
menyesal aku bagi kau kepala aku.
ada hati pula nak suruh aku request utk kau for the next appointment.
potong rambut lembab.
apply colour lembab.
cuci rambut aku lembab.
NAK TUNGGU KAU BLOWDRY LAGI!!!!
aku pergi unisex salon nyonya cina lagi bagus la aku rasa.
tapi jadi merah terus
gi mana ya?
harus di tukar nggak hair colour ku ini?
atau biar aja sampai warna nya ilang...
*******
i got my hair did. and it's done.
not the way i wanted it.
not the way i like it.
pfft~
it looks no different from the previous style, except that it's red.
shtupid hairstylist didn't know how to do layers.
i wanted LAYERS! and i got something not even close to layers.
and the colour.
IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!! IT'S NOT!!!
fook. fuccccccckkkkk!!!!
i'd have to keep this for a month at least.
or i'd just dye it all brown again.
i could go for another haircut and get the layers, but i dont want my hair short!
AAaaAAaaAAAaaAAaaRRrrGGgHHHH!!!
i'm mad now.
bodoh.
dah la lembab. potong rambut pun tak reti.
EMPAT JAM AKU DUDUK KAT SITU LA TAK JADI JADI JUGAK!!!!
kepala aku jadi bahan eksperimen kau???
kepala patung tu banyak, kalau tak reti potong... tak payah potong.
menyesal aku bagi kau kepala aku.
ada hati pula nak suruh aku request utk kau for the next appointment.
potong rambut lembab.
apply colour lembab.
cuci rambut aku lembab.
NAK TUNGGU KAU BLOWDRY LAGI!!!!
aku pergi unisex salon nyonya cina lagi bagus la aku rasa.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Slip Slaps Smacks
i've been out shopping. yey!
*smiles contentedly*
it's been a while since i went out shopping, but i did today.
the whole ish: trains, monorails, cabs, crossing pedestrian walks... the urban street savvy city dweller thing. it's tiring as hell. but then, after so long not walking the streets of KL like i did today, it made me realise how easy it actually is to get from one place to another. the transportation services are just awesome. okay, maybe save the delays, and the huffy commuters...but really, it gets you just about anywhere in KL.
Berjaya TS is such a boring place to go to. but i absolutely love the Mango outlet there.
remind me to go to Debenhams for shoes. they have amazing shoes. *sigh
but we couldnt find anything interesting there. so next stop, Sg Wang.
it's been awhile since i went to Sg Wang. ages, in fact. so yeah, it was like a reunion thing. lol.
after that was Lot 10. now, i'm in love with Birkenstocks. i so need to get me a pair of those.
lunch was at Societe. blek, couldnt eat much but the orange juice was refreshing after a few hours walking around lugging bags of shopping.
alright. now down to the nitty gritty.
the shopping breakdown:
CARVEN suit and pants
CARVEN shirt
Communique shirt
Vincci Ballet Flats
lingerie
yes, that pretty much covers expenses for the day. top to toe spree!
oh, mom managed to get a Braun Buffel bag for 60% less. originally priced at RM569, she got it at a steal of only RM200+.
***
sayang havent texted me in ages. oh okay, couple of days.
but i'm beginning to worry.
and when i worry i become clingy and whiny.
"mana sayang hilang ni...?"
*smiles contentedly*
it's been a while since i went out shopping, but i did today.
the whole ish: trains, monorails, cabs, crossing pedestrian walks... the urban street savvy city dweller thing. it's tiring as hell. but then, after so long not walking the streets of KL like i did today, it made me realise how easy it actually is to get from one place to another. the transportation services are just awesome. okay, maybe save the delays, and the huffy commuters...but really, it gets you just about anywhere in KL.
Berjaya TS is such a boring place to go to. but i absolutely love the Mango outlet there.
remind me to go to Debenhams for shoes. they have amazing shoes. *sigh
but we couldnt find anything interesting there. so next stop, Sg Wang.
it's been awhile since i went to Sg Wang. ages, in fact. so yeah, it was like a reunion thing. lol.
after that was Lot 10. now, i'm in love with Birkenstocks. i so need to get me a pair of those.
lunch was at Societe. blek, couldnt eat much but the orange juice was refreshing after a few hours walking around lugging bags of shopping.
alright. now down to the nitty gritty.
the shopping breakdown:
CARVEN suit and pants
CARVEN shirt
Communique shirt
Vincci Ballet Flats
lingerie
yes, that pretty much covers expenses for the day. top to toe spree!
oh, mom managed to get a Braun Buffel bag for 60% less. originally priced at RM569, she got it at a steal of only RM200+.
***
sayang havent texted me in ages. oh okay, couple of days.
but i'm beginning to worry.
and when i worry i become clingy and whiny.
"mana sayang hilang ni...?"
Friday, April 21, 2006
Koko Krunch and Milk
ah. yes. i'm back again. lol.
as if you missed me. pfft~
as if i even have an audience, save for the few who are closest buddies of mine.
i'm my own audience most of the time. but yes, i'm back.
it's been a rough week.
tonsillitis.
arrrrgghhhh!!! fuck it! i hate that stupid piece of flesh at the back of my throat flaring up just because it can't handle a bit of heat and cold and heat and cold.
stupid. then i can't eat for like a week.
fine. so it did well for my weight, perhaps a couple of kilos down, but I COULDN'T EAT!!!
see, when you're faced with a situation that just prevents you from eating then you realise that you love food and you love it like hell.
i know i did.
watching my mom and dad eat, while i had to struggle to even CHEW the friggin chicken let alone SWALLOW, i thought, heck. eating is a luxury. a bare necessity we hardly even notice in our daily lives, let alone actually appreciate.
and i'm not talking about food, okay. i'm talking about the ACT of EATING itself. that's right.
so i lived on a diet of soft foods and medication for about 4 days.
porridge, porridge, soup, ah! noodles, mashed potatoes...
for four days. eating just that.
delightful. hah. you think????
then, thank GOD. the medication began to kick in, and i could swallow easier.
now, i'm recovered. although not completely, but at least my diet does not just span mush.
the first thing i intend to do once declared fully recovered, is to gobble down pizza and stuff it down as much as i can.
i'm being ravenous. yes.
***
it's been a while. two weeks? yeah. about that.
works's killing him. time and immobility killing me.
so how do we work this one out.
dinners sound nice, but i worry he gets too tired.
weekends are just obscure. i'm booked at home, or hey, he works.
sometimes i dont think the job is really such a good thing you know.
sure, it brings the geez and shytes. but if you're home knackered and you can't really do much else, where's the good there?
maybe it's just me.
i miss him. and everything about him.
he's such a puppy. i adore him completely.
***
a lotta things been happening.
like i can't believe if all this is happening but it is.
i sound like i'm delirious.
my thoughts are just messing themselves up.
that's about it i guess. for the night.
for tonight.
>Pash
as if you missed me. pfft~
as if i even have an audience, save for the few who are closest buddies of mine.
i'm my own audience most of the time. but yes, i'm back.
it's been a rough week.
tonsillitis.
arrrrgghhhh!!! fuck it! i hate that stupid piece of flesh at the back of my throat flaring up just because it can't handle a bit of heat and cold and heat and cold.
stupid. then i can't eat for like a week.
fine. so it did well for my weight, perhaps a couple of kilos down, but I COULDN'T EAT!!!
see, when you're faced with a situation that just prevents you from eating then you realise that you love food and you love it like hell.
i know i did.
watching my mom and dad eat, while i had to struggle to even CHEW the friggin chicken let alone SWALLOW, i thought, heck. eating is a luxury. a bare necessity we hardly even notice in our daily lives, let alone actually appreciate.
and i'm not talking about food, okay. i'm talking about the ACT of EATING itself. that's right.
so i lived on a diet of soft foods and medication for about 4 days.
porridge, porridge, soup, ah! noodles, mashed potatoes...
for four days. eating just that.
delightful. hah. you think????
then, thank GOD. the medication began to kick in, and i could swallow easier.
now, i'm recovered. although not completely, but at least my diet does not just span mush.
the first thing i intend to do once declared fully recovered, is to gobble down pizza and stuff it down as much as i can.
i'm being ravenous. yes.
***
it's been a while. two weeks? yeah. about that.
works's killing him. time and immobility killing me.
so how do we work this one out.
dinners sound nice, but i worry he gets too tired.
weekends are just obscure. i'm booked at home, or hey, he works.
sometimes i dont think the job is really such a good thing you know.
sure, it brings the geez and shytes. but if you're home knackered and you can't really do much else, where's the good there?
maybe it's just me.
i miss him. and everything about him.
he's such a puppy. i adore him completely.
***
a lotta things been happening.
like i can't believe if all this is happening but it is.
i sound like i'm delirious.
my thoughts are just messing themselves up.
that's about it i guess. for the night.
for tonight.
>Pash
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Glowing Shades of Amber.
"whoa...amber is the colour of your energy,
whoa...shades of gold displayed naturally..." - 311, Amber
i'm beginning to be very addicted to the mellow tones of Amber. and the way i'm made out to be Amber. how Amber radiates a warm glow, impossible to ignore but for the admirer to lavishly pour affection and adoration. i'm not addicted to it. i'm in love with it. the admirer. i'm absolutely besotted, and extremely overwhelmed by the emotions it now provokes. i love every bit of it.
my sleeping pattern's been awful lately. bedtime is at 7am. now you figure when my day starts. but wait, i've talked about my sleeping patterns. *sigh. now you know there's nothing much else really bothering me except for sleep. and food. i've not been eating well, or regularly. surviving on a diet of different types of nasi goreng and teh o' ais laici everyday. occasional maggi goreng. and i'm about to puke as i'm typing this. being in college, living the college life, truly sucks. (for want of better word, but i'm really not feeling that articulate right now...)
so travel plans for langkawi has been confirmed. will be flying airasia (god forbid, the parents will sponsor a MAS flight) on the evening of the 6th. which means that my one and only final paper for that day will be postponed to a later date upon arrival from langkawi. whomps.
i'll be looking forward to Asians 2006. because it's langkawi. *smirks, then frowns.
no no...because it's an international tournament and a chance not to be missed.
pray for the well being of my respiratory and digestive systems.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Carves a V
guess what. tommy got a new friend today, and it's name is Fanny. now Tommy and Fanny can't ever be seperated, they've become soooooo close.
it's been a while since i bought anything for tommy, so he must be happy. i hope he is. well he should be, at least he won't get heated up too much now.
okay so you'll all be wondering who is tommy and why fanny is such a great friend for tommy.
well, tommy kept getting really heated up and his temperature was always high, which is not a good thing. tommy needs to be kept cool most of the time, so i got him Fanny. Fanny does a wonderful job at keeping tommy's degrees down and keeps him ventilated. so now they're inseperable. ever.
you all must think i'm a nut. well go get yourselves a drink or you'll choke. pfft~
it's been a while since i bought anything for tommy, so he must be happy. i hope he is. well he should be, at least he won't get heated up too much now.
okay so you'll all be wondering who is tommy and why fanny is such a great friend for tommy.
well, tommy kept getting really heated up and his temperature was always high, which is not a good thing. tommy needs to be kept cool most of the time, so i got him Fanny. Fanny does a wonderful job at keeping tommy's degrees down and keeps him ventilated. so now they're inseperable. ever.
you all must think i'm a nut. well go get yourselves a drink or you'll choke. pfft~
The New C & E
it's funny how things roll exactly the way you want it when you least expect it. how things just seem to fall into place in unison and synchrony, complete perfection. It almost seems like a daydream, to most of us, but to some it really does happen. Alright so you may think I’m becoming a bit delirious, like I’m high on some illegal substance or another. Admittedly, I am. Although this particular matter is far from unlawful. It’s like a state of euphoria! *jumps in glee* *ehem* *regains composure*
so yes. The sun shines brighter, the skies are clearer, the winds blow a merrier breeze. Haha. I’m sounding like a British author who writes corny love stories about messed up humans, their lives intertwined with fairy mischief, and hopeless romantics. (fine, fine…so I do read those books. Pfft~)
okay, so let’s look at 2006 so far. I’m not sure I’d remember each bit but the ones I’m about to tell are those plastered semi-permanently on the walls of my memory. For now, at least. Then they’d either be permanently etched, or carelessly smudged off.
……I figured that to tell you a blow by blow account of January to March is a bit much……so I’ve changed my mind. Gaaah!
The current state of mind is bliss. Complete and utter delight. You could see the glow radiating, it’s as if someone had taken a gold glitter pen and drew an outline around my head, like an aura, except with stars and smiley faces and little bunny rabbits hopping around. Ew. I hate the bunny rabbits part. Scratch that.
By now, you’d probably be wondering why I’m not just getting to it, let the cat out of the bag, say it out loud, and GET IT OVER WITH!! Well, I won’t. I don’t want to. It’s the ego the size of a full moon. Blah! Or maybe I’m just being shy about it. *flushes pink*
Fine fine. So my rants aren’t exactly taking us anywhere, except that it’s doing a good job telling you that I’ve probably gone bonkers. Try the drugs I’m on, you’d feel the same I’m sure. But I won’t share, you’ve to go get your own. Have you ever been told by the doctor that medication is personal?? It’s prescribed specifically for the person that it’s intended for. So shoo! Go get your own tonic.
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