Keping-kepingan

i have a beautiful tan, but a scar on my left arm. the result of bumping into the hotel closet drawers because danial fell on me. gah.
i totally love my skin colour as it is now. sangat toffee caramel!

******

mungkinkah kalau perasan benci itu walaupun sudah bertahun lenyap akan wujud kembali?
bukan benci saja, tapi perasaan cemburu yang amat. tapi hanya kerana diingatkan kembali tentang memori lampau.
ah! aku paling tak suka kalau perasaan dikawal oleh perkara remeh begini.
bodoh kali ku rasakan. biarkan aja. masa aku akan tiba juga.

******

things might brighten up for me soon.
i've opportunities knocking at my door that i never would've thought of.
i've dreamt of it, maybe. tapi cuma angan-angan belaka. tak sangka pula hampir akan jadi kenyataan.
maka aku ingin katakan disini, tak salah andai bercita-cita, atau memimpikan impian kita.
who knows, it might come true...or you might stumble upon a chance to fufill that dream.
enak kali rasanya. nikmat dalam jiwa ini yang aku rasakan nggak bisa aku ngucapin dengan kata-kata.

******

i think at this point of my life, i'm slipping in and out of euphoria and a little bit of sadness. there's just too much on my mind. of this and that, and what nots. things that i shouldn't actually be worrying about, plus things that i ought to worry about. it's pretty stressful.

rollercoaster

i love the theme park rides, but not the metaphorical equivalent of violent jerks and sudden movements from ups to downs, that most would swear can cause a cardiac arrest 3 times over.
i just hate being in a position where i'm unsure of things. in a position where i'm at liberty of another's actions, where i'm vulnerable and fragile. and at this point, i think i am being put in that position. although unintentionally, it still does the damage.
can't i have a certain answer, yes. no. what?? but wait, this has been addressed in one of my previous posts. so you see, it's a problem that reoccurs. and one that i've yet to come up with a solution to.
funnily enough, it's a problem i go through quite often actually. *sigh
maybe it's just me. it must be me.

******

apa chances gwe untuk ke Australs dan Worlds tahun ini?
nyerah aja pada Tuhan deh. biar Dia yang tentukan.
usaha gwe kalau dihitung nggak pernah akan cukup.
jadi gwe menyerah aja.

>Pash.

Gwe Pengen...

dimana ya...cowok itu...?
atau siapa aja...
ku pikirkan kalau cowok itu nggak mungkin akan jadi milik gwe..

gwe pengen ke Bangkok.

Pantai, Laut, dan Pasir

i just got back from langkawi.
i should start writing, i know.
but really, there's just too much that happened within the span of ten days for me to gather and space out in words and punctuations.
give me a while. at least until i finish the stocks of chocolate and i can really get down to the nitty gritty of the trip.
have mercy on me. my system functions are still numb and running under substance influences.

Matters Don't Matter

what is it with me this time.
i keep banging my head into things that don't really seem to be in the way.
but they are. to me, at least. *sigh

i went out shopping. again.
yes, like my father has no debts with credit card companies and all our bills are paid for by the godfairy. lol.

i should come with a warning label that says:
"danger. do not leave her in malls unattended."

i spent money i could've saved.
but i spent. it gave me satisfaction, so screw you.
it ain't your cheese i'm melting, it's my dad's.

that's the thing about me that's absolutely wreckless.
leave me at a mall, with no company, no plans, and i come out 6 hours later with bags of stuff. i'm terrible that way. i buy things that i don't absolutely need. i buy things on a whim. i buy things that i like. i buy things that i would otherwise not buy, if i had a friend for company.

so as always, the shopping breakdown:
NOSE kittie heels
YING YANG batik sarong
DEEPER HARDER purple slippers & matching bandanna

oh. i caught a movie too. Failure to Launch. definitely going down in the chick movie list. Sarah Jessica Parker and the dude Matthew. (i don't know how to spell his last name, but he's the hottie in "how to lose a guy in 10 days".)
then i bought an apple crumble cheesecake, and a chocolate banana cake at Secret Recipe. woah.

oh fwuck.
the flight's on Saturday and i haven't packed.
daymmit.

*****

my path seems to cross a lot of those belonging to others.
now what bugs me is, can't my life circles expand instead of seemingly becoming smaller?
can't i be involved with people who i'm not connected to in any way.
can't the people i know not end up already knowing each other.

blameitallonmyspace.

lol.

i'm facing another night of a head full of thoughts but i can't really make them literature. i'm becoming s l o w.

******

been missing him.
terribly.
don't ask. i'm tres depressed.




>Pash

Kalau Apa Terjadi?

kalau sinar mentari cerah
aku bisa jadi terang hingga membutakan

kalau angin bertiup kuat
aku bisa jadi taufan hingga meributkan

kalau malam itu hitam
aku bisa jadi gelap hingga menyesatkan

kalau bintang itu yang kau mahu capai
aku bisa jadi meteor, terlalu pantas untuk kau kejar

kalau laut itu luas dan tenang
aku bisa jadi ombak bergelora lalu melemaskan

maksud aku jelas
kalau apa yang kau lihat itu bukan apa yang pasti kau dapat

kalau apa yang kau mahu
itu bukan apa yang elok untuk mu

kalau apa yang kau bayangkan
mungkin akan jadi khayalan kau semata-mata

kalau cita-cita itu membina manusia
namun akhirnya andai dengan kekalahan pasti kecewa.

******

Merah ka Blonde?

ku sangka akan jadi blonde
tapi jadi merah terus
gi mana ya?
harus di tukar nggak hair colour ku ini?
atau biar aja sampai warna nya ilang...

*******

i got my hair did. and it's done.
not the way i wanted it.
not the way i like it.
pfft~

it looks no different from the previous style, except that it's red.
shtupid hairstylist didn't know how to do layers.
i wanted LAYERS! and i got something not even close to layers.
and the colour.
IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!! IT'S NOT!!!

fook. fuccccccckkkkk!!!!

i'd have to keep this for a month at least.
or i'd just dye it all brown again.
i could go for another haircut and get the layers, but i dont want my hair short!
AAaaAAaaAAAaaAAaaRRrrGGgHHHH!!!

i'm mad now.
bodoh.
dah la lembab. potong rambut pun tak reti.
EMPAT JAM AKU DUDUK KAT SITU LA TAK JADI JADI JUGAK!!!!
kepala aku jadi bahan eksperimen kau???
kepala patung tu banyak, kalau tak reti potong... tak payah potong.
menyesal aku bagi kau kepala aku.
ada hati pula nak suruh aku request utk kau for the next appointment.
potong rambut lembab.
apply colour lembab.
cuci rambut aku lembab.
NAK TUNGGU KAU BLOWDRY LAGI!!!!
aku pergi unisex salon nyonya cina lagi bagus la aku rasa.