Monday, September 18, 2006

The Gawking Gap

it's time to let go. so let's go. *sigh*
this won't be easy. but i've to learn and gain courage, even if it means digging into the deepest pits of my gut and barfing it all out. the keyword here: LET GO

let time do the turning. let it do what it does best: make you forget. because it's the best possible way, the best possible move to make. a tough decision, but one that i can't whine about and i've to stop being a baby and just take it face-on.

to you, i'm doing this for myself. because you never do anything for me. so i've to take the lead and start doing this for the person that matters most: ME. thank you for everything that you've done, and for everything you've not done. it works both ways to show me what i am, and also what i'm not. i've realised that i can avoid being stupid. instead of being stupid, realising it but still being stupid. i'm not going to let you make me feel stupid. this time, let you be the one to feel like an idiot. because i've had enough of it. you'll not understand why i feel this way, why i'm suddenly bitter and resentful. but if you do understand, then i won't have to deal with this and we could be what i wanted us to be. unfortunately, and apparently from all your actions that you've shown, we want different things. and these things which are different, they'll tear us further apart than we already are. i can't say i hate you because i don't. but sometimes i do. i don't know. you've made me a person that's confused and irrate. the things i do that i should not be doing, but for you. it's taken a lot for me to come to this decision, here and now. it's not on a whim. it's something i've been sleeping on for days. i just kept quiet about it. because i felt i still needed something to hold on to. but i can't keep doing this. i can't keep being weak and holding on to something that's not strong for me to be strong. it's over. i'm done with all this bullshit and bollocks. i'm letting go. goodbye.

we shall be friends. but just that. friends.
and friends don't do things that we used to do. no more of those.


HELLO BREATH OF FRESH AIR! i needed you. *breathe*

hello hot fudge. it's good to hear from you again. *smiles*

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