Impatient. and so Stupid.

okay okay so i said i won't write till January but i really can't wait. i've had loads on my mind but the funny thing is now that i settle to putting it down i forget everything.
well not really forget, but everything's just such a jumbled mess, i can't really organise which to put down first. let's do this slowly, backtrack and retrace my mind steps to where it went and was heading.

i've really a very short memory span. i forget things, it just slips. i can be eating an apple one second, then i put it down on the table to get something, then i move on doing something else, and then when i pass the fruit basket and reach out for an apple i remember i left a half eaten one on the table. now i have to go find which table. *rolls eyes*

i was washing the dishes, looking out through the curtains to the road outside and i was thinking of something really controversial and awesome to write it up here but i don't remember what it was all about. i need raisins. orang tua-tua kata makan kismis boleh kuatkan ingatan. i do wonder how though. those little pieces of shrivelled grapes. better off in fruitcakes, or muffins. mom made a bunch of hazelnut cupcakes. i've been feeding on those things ever since.

i miss my old school friends and school. i miss buying 50 sen nasi lemak with sambal lebih. i miss all the bitching gossips at recess. i miss stuffing myself with chocolates from the koperasi. i miss my school uniform. i miss wearing my Reebok Classic to school. i miss bringing hot chocolate in a flask and tempting everyone around me with the delicious scent of chocolate everytime i take a sip during morning add math class. i miss skipping classes (why miss school then, you say?). for the fun and thrill of not getting caught. i was always getting myself plonked down in the uncomfortable chair of the Guru Kanan Hal Ehwal Murid's office. then sign the borang pengakuan kesalahan. i wonder how many of those i've managed to collect. i miss school so much that i don't remember how it looks like anymore. not in detail, at least.

see this is what happens when i forget what is it really that i wanted to write down. i start to babble about whatever that comes to mind.

i am listening to songs i haven't really listened to before this. like Anggun, Joss Stone, India Arie. it's weird you might think, but i like these jazz/soul songs are soothing to listen to. seriously, beyonce's not the only one with great vocals. and everything you hear on the Top 40 becomes boring and monotonous after a short while. a change in music tastes is good. gives the senses a different stimuli.

this is getting no where. i'm badgering on and on in the hopes of finally maybe that piece of memory would appear before me and i could actually write about that thing i was thinking about. but it's not coming. so there would be nothing else substantial for me to write except for things i did today and of other examples of my seemingly persistent short memory.

i'd do myself a favour and not worry too much about that lost bit of thought. trains are always on a track, they go forth and only back unless they crash or derail.


>Pash Rahim 241205